Are you putting passion into what you don’t want?

I ran across something yesterday that really made me stop and think.

From the Secret Daily Teachings (www.thesecret.tv):

Most people don’t realize how much passion they put into what they don’t want. When you speak to a friend and you tell them all about an “awful” situation, you are putting passion into what you don’t want. When you react to an event negatively, with the response that it is “terrible,” you are putting passion into what you don’t want.

Well are you putting passion into what you don’t want? How many times have you faced a negative situation and allowed it to ruin your whole day? What if you just decided to move on and focus on the positive? What if you decided that every day was going to be a good day?

Easier said than done, I know. But it can’t hurt to try, can it?

Why are we so afraid of our real age?

April is an exciting month for me because I always look forward to my birthday each year. It’s the one day of the year it’s okay to say, “It’s all about ME!” and not sound like a complete attention whore.

As each birthday comes, I am excited about the possibilities of the coming year and the opportunities that await me. Sadly, that’s not the case with many people. It seems these people, and to a certain extent, society, place a stigma on getting older. Women, especially, seem reluctant to reveal how old they are. I’ve never understood that.

There are two indisputable facts in life: You either grow older or you die. Now which would you rather do?

Why do we make fun of age? I’m not talking about the innocent “Over the Hill” jokes we revel in from time to time. I’m talking about the snarky comments from 20-somethings  such as, “What is he, like 45? Dude should just give it up. He’s too old for that.” It makes you want to reply, “Yeah, it must suck to be 45. For your sake, I hope you never have to live that long.”

But that would be a nasty thing to say. Those hateful comments about age are more than likely a by-product of fear. Fear of losing the only advantage those 20-somethings think they have in life – their youth. But that’s a myth. The reality is that most people lead much more productive and interesting lives with each passing year. I know I have.

Of course, the age war  goes both ways as I remember being 25 and hearing 30 and 40-somethings condescendingly explain that  I was “too young to understand.” Those comments stem from fear too. The fear that we are getting older and since we don’t have our youth anymore, we must belittle those who do. So what is this? When we have nothing constructive to add we resort to making fun of each other based on age?

I am proud of each of the 36 years I’ve been on this earth. Some people never get the privilege of living 36 years so I consider myself lucky with each passing year. Isn’t denying our age a slap in the face to those who never had the luxury of making it to that milestone?

Whether you are 25, 45 or 85, be proud of the years you’ve been lucky enough to enjoy and shout your age from the rooftop! If you’re 25, soak up the fact that you are still very young and enjoy it! If you’re 45, know that you are much better off than you were at 25 and never too old for anything you truly want to do. And never, ever be afraid or embarrassed to let someone know your real age.

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In celebration of what will be my 37th year I’m starting a new tradition and I invite you to do the same for your birthday month. Each day in April leading up to my birthday on the 28th, I’m going to list one thing for which I’m grateful. My list is below and will be updated daily. Where’s yours?

April 1: I have the three most wonderful dogs who give me unconditional love and ask for very little in return.

April 2: My boyfriend of 9 years is loving, patient, understanding and makes every day better.

April 3: I am fortunate to be in good health and able to lead an active lifestyle.

April 4: I have a comfortable home.

April 5: I have a great support network of lifelong friends and I value and cherish those friendships.

April 6: I can wear flip flops to work!

April 7: The ocean is merely a 10 minute drive from my home.

April 8: My body is strong and I can run!

April 9: I am lucky to have seen many different parts of the United States (and will continue to do so!)

April 10: With a simple kind word, I have the power to make someone’s day better.

April 11: Today I am thankful for aspirin.

April 12: I have a caring and understanding boss and fabulous co-workers.

April 13: I’m fortunate to have the opportunity to meet many unique people.

April 14: My backyard is an oasis.

April 15: Beautiful, sunny days!

April 16: I am capable of living independently.

April 17: Friendly people.

April 18: Morning walks with my love.

April 19: That moment in the morning when I see the sunlight peek through the window.

April 20: The kindness of strangers.

April 21: I am able to enjoy music that touches your soul.

April 22: My family…both by blood and otherwise.

April 23: I have a great group of co-workers!

April 24: The sweet smell of the ocean.

April 25: I love that I can relax and enjoy a glass of wine on the back porch.

April 26: Baby birds! Four of them growing up in rented space on our front porch.

April 27: Part of my job is getting paid to talk…and write.  Love! Joy!

April 28: I am another year older and for that I am extremely grateful!

An open letter to the HOA board members of Cambridge Heights

Dear Board Members,

I want to thank you for protecting the sanctity and value of my property. A recent incident highlighted just what an important function you serve as the valiant soldiers of Cambridge Heights, always looking out for the best interests of the residents.

Less than a year ago, you implemented a new rule. Any car parked on the streets of Cambridge Heights between the hours of midnight and 6am would be towed at the owner’s expense. I understand this was of the utmost importance to all residents or you surely wouldn’t have bothered with it. I myself witnessed at least two cars parked overnight on the street at different times in the three years we’ve lived here. This was a serious problem that needed to be addressed. Two cars in three years?! Overnight parking was obviously getting out of hand! Plus, when cars are parked on the street, it’s not as easy to speed through the neighborhood. And we certainly want to encourage people to go as fast as they can on the wide streets in our little neighborhood.

After a long day at work I arrived home yesterday and there was a delivery truck in my driveway. Since the truck was blocking my space in the driveway, I parked in front of my property, on the street. I was exhausted, but intended to move my car to the driveway after the delivery truck left. I ended up falling asleep without moving my car and when I awoke the next morning, my car had been graciously towed out of sight by the towing company permitted by the HOA to patrol the neighborhood each night.

Thank goodness for this! I mean, in the 15 minutes after midnight that my car was parked on the street our collective property values dropped by at least 15 percent! I’m so glad my car was towed in order to prevent further depreciation of my property value. Not only is a car on the street an eyesore, it is even more of an eyesore when the majority of traffic is running through the neighborhood, which, as you must know since you implemented this rule, is between the hours of midnight and 6am.

So HOA board members, I applaud you for keeping our neighborhood in such tight order. Might I suggest something else you might want to check out? Those stop signs you installed? They are right in front of our property and nobody uses them. Since you have been so proactive with enforcing the horrible, horrible problem of cars on the street between midnight and 6am, surely you can help enforce the use of the stop signs you installed using our homeowners dues?

I do realize that ensuring a car doesn’t run a stop sign, possibly injuring or killing someone, is really not as important to you as making sure the streets are free of parked cars overnight, but maybe it’s something you could look into if you have some free time.

Regards,

Suzanne Jalot

Celebrities versus Soldiers

In the wake of Whitney Houston’s death the familiar cries on Facebook came out again. “Why are you celebrating the life of a crackhead?” “How about honoring our fallen soldiers?” “Why is Whitney Houston getting all this media coverage and nobody says anything about our brave servicemen who died in the line of duty?”

I fully support the troops. It makes me very sad whenever I hear about a soldier being killed. My husband’s best friend was killed in Iraq. I know what that loss feels like. I get it. But allow me to explain why the media focuses on celebrities like Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston when they die. And trust me, it’s not because the death of a soldier is any less important than the death of a celebrity.

Our country is fully immersed in pop culture. The songs you hear as a child become a part of your growing up experience. Movies you watch as a teenager become like old friends as you get older. As you age, you relate the times in your life to the music that was popular, the television shows you watched and the movies you loved during that time period.

So it is only natural, that when a piece of that personal history dies, you feel a loss. Maybe you’re not mourning the celebrity as a person so much, because, after all, most of us aren’t close friends with celebrities. What you’re mourning is the time in your life that the singer or actor represents. When Michael Jackson died, his death caused many of us to reflect back on the time when his music was popular. For me, it made me remember the first record I ever owned.  It happened to be Jackson’s You Wanna Be Startin’ Something.  Memories of that time period in my life came flooding back. Regardless of how you actually felt about Michael Jackson as a person, the death of this pop culture icon was a harsh reminder that those days you remember so fondly are really, truly gone.

Whitney Houston’s passing triggered the same emotional reactions in many people. She was undeniably another pop culture icon who reminded us of our own days gone by and the good (and maybe bad) times in our life so far.

Unfortunately, a soldier’s death is not going to trigger that same emotional response for the majority of the nation. It doesn’t make the death any less tragic or any less important, it just means most of us can’t relate to a soldier we did not personally know. I’m pretty sure most of us realize the sacrifice our soldiers make for our country and we respect and honor their service. But we just can’t emotionally connect to the news of a soldier’s death in the way we do when someone familiar to us passes away.

So while I absolutely do mourn the loss of any of our soldiers, I still want to see the media coverage of the people I grew up watching on television or listening to on the radio. It allows me to reflect on my own past and I suspect I am not alone. To expect the media not to cover a celebrity death is simply unrealistic.

About this whole coupon thing

I jumped into the coupon world yesterday.  There are two reasons I was hesitant to try couponing. First, I try to eat healthy whenever possible, which means no processed foods. Most of the coupons I run across are for processed junk. Second, to be completely honest, couponers kind of creep me out and I didn’t want to be lumped in that group!

However, after seeing all the fun Michelle Li at WECT/Fox Wilmington was having, without being creepy, I decided to give it a try.

In our first outing, we spent $194.06 (before tax) for $296.51 worth of groceries. Now I realize that’s an awful lot more than those you see who spend $6.32 for $300 worth of groceries, but keep in mind we’re not buying food just because we have a coupon for it either. We’re also not trying to stockpile food for the next two years. The food that we buy is going to go bad if we don’t eat it within a few weeks. And that’s just the way I like it.  So while we spent close to $200. We saved over $100 and that’s pretty freakin’ awesome.

Here’s a tiny sample of what we got:

Two bottles of Arm & Hammer laundry detergent
Original price: $12.98
VIC price: $10.98
Coupon: $1.00
Total cost: $9.98, savings of $3.00

10 Cups of Greek Yogurt
Original price: $14.50
VIC price: $10.00
eVIC coupon: $1.00
Total cost: $9.00, Savings of $5.50

Oral B Brush Refills (3 pack)
Original price: $24.99
VIC price: $17.99
eVIC coupon: $5.00
Coupon: $3.00
Total cost: $9.99, Savings of $15.00

Harris Teeter also had a special where as a VIC member, if you spend $75, you get $15 off. Not too shabby. Every single thing we bought was either on sale, or something we had a coupon for. In many cases, it was both on sale and we had a coupon. The only things we paid full price for this trip were lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers.

There are so many tips and tricks I don’t know yet that I’m sure could have shaved a few more dollars off of our bill, but I’m happy with our start and can’t wait to go back for more.

Saving Money = Being Fat and Unhealthy?

I am following with great interest this whole coupon craze that seems to be sweeping the nation. I love a good deal and I love to save money and while I don’t have the time it takes to be one of those “extreme” couponers, I really wanted to see how much money I could shave off of my grocery bill. Those who stockpile hundreds of items in every nook and cranny of their home really scare me, but I will admit to enjoying the sight of a half-dozen toilet bowl cleaners lined up in my garage after a trip to Costco. I was so excited and ready to watch the discounts add up in the checkout line!

The first thing I learned is that even moderate couponers are still crazy. They will hoard every Sunday paper they can get their little hands on. It makes it tough for those of us who are simply out to save a buck or two to find the coupon inserts. So if I wanted to ensure my weekly supply of coupons, I would have to subscribe to both the local paper, the Raleigh News & Observer and any other paper filled with Sunday inserts.

The next thing I learned was that 90% of the coupons I found were of no use to me. I was so disappointed. I have recently adopted a semi-healthy eating regimen and they don’t make coupons for healthy food. Of the 10% of coupons that were for items I would actually use or consume, less than a fourth of those were for actual food. The rest were for cleaning supplies and toiletries.

I make a point to eat whole foods and stay away from processed foods as much as possible. All those coupons I was so excited to clip? They’re for junk food.

Here’s a sample of the coupons I found:

M&Ms…While I admit I do love chocolate and will indulge every now and then, 20 bags of M&Ms would take me 20 years to eat.

Cheerios…Processed and full of ingredients I can’t even pronounce. I’m sure I loved it as a kid, and they make it sound healthy, but now that I’m educated on food ingredients, I would never eat this or any other processed cereal.

Land O Lakes Spread…A manufactured butter-like substance? No thanks. I’ll take my butter the old fashioned way.

Spaghettios…Junk in a can. Full of sodium and more ingredients you can’t pronounce.

Brawny Paper Towels…Yay, I use paper towels. Woohoo! One I can use!

Pillsbury Sweet Rolls…Back to junk in a can.

Okay, so I think you get the idea. You never see coupons for produce or fruit or meat and cheese that doesn’t use fillers or any other whole foods. I guess there’s a reason companies that make manufactured food can offer coupons – processed food contains so many unnatural ingredients that it is possible to make it very cheaply, thus easy to discount.

Even though I really, really wanted to give it a try, couponing is just not for me. I realized that I could save tons of money with a little effort, but my body would suffer the consequences of eating such an unhealthy diet. No amount of savings would make up for the effect that eating poorly would have on my health. So I will gladly pay full price for my produce (especially locally sourced), my meats and cheeses with no fillers, and all the other whole foods that are good for me. But if anyone knows of a site or blog out there dedicated to coupons for healthy living, show me the way!

Yeah, that suits you

Having been a complete chicken when it comes to hairstyles, I’ve had medium to long hair for most of my adult life.  “Oh you can do anything you want,” I’d always say to the stylist.  “As long as it’s still long enough to put in a ponytail.”  So that meant I got the same haircut, over and over and over.

Girls with short hair are so edgy!  Women with short hair are spunky and sassy!  I always admired ladies brave enough to sport the short haircut.  I just couldn’t see a short cut on me.  Look at all the celebrities with long hair.  Long hair is sexy!  Long hair is beautiful!  Faced with the prospect of having sexy and beautiful hair or being considered edgy and spunky, I chose sexy and beautiful.

Except…my long hair was far from sexy and beautiful.  My long hair was simply stringy, dull and boring.

Embracing the reality that after many years with the same cut my long hair wasn’t going to make me beautiful, or sexy, I figured I might as well go for edgy and spunky.  Or maybe even a little sassy.  So I sat in Elisha’s chair at Blush House of Beaute and asked, “Are you up for giving me a short cut?”  Her eyes got wide and she enthusiastically nodded her head.

Elisha’s scissors were magic.  My hair moved.  My hair had instant style.  My hair was, yeah, even kind of sassy.  I received many compliments on the cut, but I noticed a trend.  People would say, “It suits you.”  And “Oh, you got your hair cut!” was quickly followed by, “Do you like it?”  Now, I wondered, what exactly does that mean?  It suits you?  Do you like it?  Huh?  Was that a nice way of saying they noticed I cut my stringy, dull hair, but even stringy and dull long hair is better than having short hair?

I have no idea what they mean.  But I have thought about it and imagine what they might really be trying to say.  When people say,  “It suits you,” what they mean is, “The haircut is great.  It looks good on you.  Short hair isn’t really sexy, but it’s definitely stylish.”  And if coming from a guy, “I’d never date a girl with short hair, but it’s cute on you.”  And if coming from a girl, “I’d never, ever want to wear my hair that short, but it looks really cute on you!”

My new "short" 'do!

And when they say, “Do you like it?”  maybe they want to compliment you, but only if they’re sure you like it too.   Or, maybe they think your haircut sucks and don’t know what else to say.  That’s fine with me.

I’m at peace with not having sexy and beautiful long hair.  I don’t miss my long hair, but I do have to admit I miss being able to throw my hair back in a good ole ponytail.  I’m happy with my new short ‘do.  It suits me and yes, I like it.

The man in the white pick up truck

On my way home from the gym tonight I sat at a traffic light behind a man in an older model, white pick up truck.  As both my mind and gaze wandered, I noticed the bumper stickers plastered on the back of the truck.  The first one I noticed read, “Oreobama? No!”  Well he obviously didn’t vote for Obama with that political statement on his truck.  But I couldn’t figure out what it meant?  The light was a pretty long one, so I’m thinking “Oreobama…..Oreobama…….Oreo…….Holy crap!  It finally dawned on me the bumper sticker was referring to Obama’s racial heritage.  Yeah, I’m a little slow.  I just sat there thinking wow, what a jerk.  It’s one thing to bash politicians over their views, it’s a quite different thing to bash them because of their race.

Then I noticed the other “signs” on his truck.  In bold letters there was a bumper sticker that said, “We must kill the white trash who hire illegal immigrants.”  Again, wow.  Not only is this guy a racist (and seemingly proud of it), he is also advocating flat out killing people?  And if there was any doubt about my interpretation of the “Oreobama” sticker, it was solidified by the third bumper sticker on this white pick up truck.  This one was on the glass behind the driver and it read , “A mixed-breed mongrel shall never enter the house of the lord.”  I’m paraphrasing here, because I cannot recall the exact quote, but it apparently comes from the book of Deuteronomy in the bible.

The thought that I was possibly sitting behind a member of the KKK actually crossed my mind.  The driver was an older, white male, probably in his 60′s or 70′s.  As the light turned green and I was following behind him, so many thoughts and feelings ran through my mind.  This guy is an asshole.  What a racist.  I couldn’t believe that someone would flash their racist card all over their vehicle.

Anger and disbelief subsided as another thing occurred to me.  What a burden it must be to carry around all that hatred.  This man is so consumed by his hatred of people simply because of their skin color that he has to display his hatred on his white pick up truck and carry it around with him.  What a heavy burden that must be.  How much energy does he spend spewing hatred?

As I thought about it some more, I didn’t feel angry at this man.  I felt sorry for him.  He must focus so much energy on hating, that there’s no way he has any energy left for enjoying life.  As he turned his white pick up truck into the gas station and I drove on my merry way, another thought occurred to me and I had to laugh.  I guess his racism even dictated the color of his truck.  I bet he wouldn’ t be caught dead in a black pick up truck.  That’s too bad because I have a cute little black Honda I could sell him.  It even comes with a bumper sticker that reads, “Live. Laugh. Love.”  But I’m pretty sure that concept would be lost on him.

Go ahead! Stay home this Friday night!

I don’t know how it happened.  I certainly can’t pinpoint when it happened.  But somehow, I became an adult.  The thought of becoming an adult kinda freaked me out for a long time but not anymore.  These days I thoroughly embrace my adulthood.

I used to think that when you grew up and became an adult it meant life instantly became boring.   While my life may be a lot of things, boring it is not.  It dawned on me that all those boring adults I was afraid of becoming were actually boring children and boring teenagers, hence, they became boring adults.  I now have plenty of examples of “adults” who know how to be adults and still have a good time doing it.

I think my “adultness” dawned on me one day when a 20-something friend asked me what I did over the weekend.  When my reply did not involve heading to a bar and getting drunk, she looked at me wide-eyed with a big, “Really?  Oh.”  It was if she felt sorry for me.

See, the beauty of being an adult is that you don’t feel like you’re missing out on anything if you decide to stay home on a Friday or Saturday night.  And what a freeing feeling that is!  Oh it’s not that you couldn’t go out, or that you don’t ever go out.  It’s that heading out to the bar is but one piece of your entertainment repertoire.

You are secure enough with yourself to know that no matter what you do on Friday night, you’re going to have fun doing it and you’re going to enjoy yourself.

It suddenly became important to me to mix things up a little.  Sure, I love to bar hop as much as the next person, but if your weekend goal is to drink as much as possible and wake up on the bathroom floor the next morning texting to your friends about how wasted you were the night before, that is, well, kind of sad.  These days my weekends are filled with family, friends, home improvement projects (I did admit I was an adult, didn’t I?!), wine tastings, hiking, dog parks, the beach, road trips, shopping, trying new restaurants and sometimes (gasp!) I even stay in on a Friday or Saturday night.

So when a wide-eyed 20-something looks at me now and tells me about her wild weekend of barhopping and drinking I just smile and think how nice and……unoriginal.  I hope that one day, she too, will embrace adulthood and try something new on a Friday or Saturday night.  Because, you know, not all adults are boring.

Black Friday? No thanks.

I’ve never been a fan of Black Friday. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good deal, but no deal is worth dealing with the crazy, frenzied masses that seem to lose all sense of respect and decency when scrambling to beat their fellow human beings to the best deal.

This year I’m also disturbed by the fact that so many retailers are opening on Thanksgiving.  It’s not really because I feel sorry for the workers (maybe a little!) because there are many people that will have to work on Thanksgiving in various occupations.  What bothers me is that stores opening on Thanksgiving just exacerbates the commercialization that the “Holiday Season” has become and it makes me sad.

I am more apt to support Small Business Saturday because shopping local is the best shopping of all!

But, for those of you who insist on venturing out this Thursday or Friday, below are some of the opening times for major merchants courtesy of Coupon Sherpa:

Ace Hardware – Midnight Friday
Enter to win a Craftsman 5-drawer Tool Center.

A.C. Moore – 5 a.m. Friday
Free $10 gift card to the first 50 customers.

Bealls – Midnight Friday
First 100 customers per store have a chance to win an iPad2, $250 gift card or $5 Bealls Bucks.

Best Buy – Midnight Friday
Best Buy will distribute entry tickets up to two hours before midnight.

Half Price Books – 7 a.m. Friday
First 100 people per store receive a tote bag and $5 gift card.

JCPenney – 4 a.m. Friday
Free collectible Disney snow globe, while supplies last.

Kmart – 6 a.m. Thanksgiving
Earn 20 bonus points for every $1 spent (twice the normal amount).

Macy’s – 4 a.m. Friday
Shop online all day Thanksgiving.

Office Max – 6 a.m. Friday
Save $15 on a $100 VISA or MasterCard gift card.

Kohl’s – Midnight Friday
Receive $15 Kohl’s cash for every $50 you spend, through Nov. 27, with coupon from Black Friday flier.

Old Navy – 9 a.m. Thanksgiving and midnight Friday
Free Kodak Easyshare Sport waterproof digital camera bundle with $40 purchase (while supplies last).

Rite Aid – 7 a.m. Thanksgiving (at select stores) through 11:59 p.m. Friday
$10 reward when you buy a $50 Home Improvement gift card.

Sears – 4 a.m. Friday
Pick up a Real Deal Coupon Book with over $3,000 in savings that start Nov. 27 (while quantities last).

Sports Authority – 5 a.m. Friday
First 80 people in line at each Sports Authority receive Bonus Bucks valued between $10 and $500.

Target – Midnight to 11 p.m. Friday
Learn about unadvertised deals by texting “MORE TVs” to “Target.”